Different Types of Pickup Basketball Stereos

There were no games played this week. Phil has been on vacation. Darin got a nose job and has been out all week. Erik had a baby¹ and it is anyone’s guess when he’ll be back. Take three regulars out of the picture, add some hot, humid weather, and you are left with no Lunchsketball action to report.

Not to worry, because this allows time to reflect on some big news in the world of pickup basketball. In recent weeks, a video by Dude Perfect has been showing up on blogs, news websites, and social media. It is a montage of the different types of players that one may encounter in a pickup basketball game.

If you are wondering where the Lunchsketball gang fits in, please review the following list:

  • Mr. Excuses: Adam (aka the Whirling Dervish) hurt his knee snowboarding this weekend, which wouldn’t be so bad except that he tweaked his shoulder lifting and either hasn’t eaten yet or shouldn’t have eaten that whole sandwich and is now too full.
  • Football Player: Cris could be filed under “Mr. Shoulda Made the League”. Gary’s protégé, the one-time CIF Player of the Week, really shoulda made the National Football “League” rather than the National Basketball “Association.”
  • My Bad: There can only be one: The Rylander loudly takes credit for missed layups, lost passes, the rising price of gasoline, Original Sin, etc.
  • Mr. Accessory: Chris L. The +Kid has been known to appear with some ornamental festooning.
  • The Looks Can Be Deceiving Guy: No comment here…
  • The Dad + Kid: How can it be anybody other than Gary?
  • The Player Coach: John. A fellow by the name of Savik will go to the Hall of Fame at this position, but he has retired.
  • The Rage Monster: Jorge (aka “Hurricane Mode“).
  • The Old Guy: It would take a really old guy to stand out as “The Old Guy” here in El Cajon.
  • The Imaginary Dunker: Nathan. Honorable mention to retired great Phil F. (aka “White Chocolate”), and Darin.
  • Foul Guy: Not going to go there.
  • The Lose-Lose Situation: If the Urbin Legend can make a few more appearances, then she will take the title. Not clear whether that is an incentive for her.
  • The Tall Guys That Only Shoots 3’s: Phil.
  • The Pants Guy: Scooter.
  • Mr. Freeze: ?
  • Mr. Shoulda Made the League: This goes best to Dude Perfect for being posers, as far as creativity goes. This type of thing has been done before, in this video. In fact, Josh Sneed, who published the first video, can be found in his comments, lamenting the fact that he was shamelessly ripped off and given no credit.
  • The Misses All Game But Banks In a 3 For the Win Guy: There are many suspects, but the evidence points most strongly toward Kerry. Let’s go home!

¹ Erik did not physically give birth to the child. Congratulations just the same!

3 thoughts on “Different Types of Pickup Basketball Stereos

  1. Jim Rome did this too. Via Kerry (aka “Capt’n Hook”):

    Do we all agree that “The Serious Guy” is me? I covet one of those old school Dream Team jerseys.

  2. Benjamin Button, which I realize now is accurate, because if one gets younger one also gets less experienced, i.e., suckier, at sports says:

    For the record: I never miss layups or lose passes, and ALL my sin is unoriginal.

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