Subject: Proposed Game vs Firebirds
Sent: Sun 01/12/2014 9:30 PM
Dear Coach Mitchell,
I hereby challenge your St. Katherine College Firebirds Men’s Basketball team to a game against me and my co-workers during our lunch break.
In considering this challenge, please remember the sportsmanship of one Steve Fisher, who brought his squad of blue-chippers to play against your upstart Firebirds in a gesture of class and goodwill. Just as it was a break-through for your program to take the floor against the Aztecs, the opportunity to match up against a legitimate, NAIA organization such as St. Katherine College would mean the world to my boys.
It can be any work day, for about an hour between 12 and 2. The venue is an outdoor court in El Cajon, CA. You can find out all about the players and our program’s rich history at https://lunchsketball.wordpress.com/ (Lunch + Basketball = Lunchsketball, see).
Above all, I’d like you to know that I have the utmost admiration for your team. First of all, I love St. Catherine of Alexandria (using the “K” is an Orthodox thing… why don’t you guys just be Catholic? We can talk about that later). And secondly, I love the name. The Firebirds. I think that the mascot should be a Pontiac Firebird. Or maybe the Firebird mascot himself could be more conventional, like a guy in a big bird suit with flames on it (kids love that stuff), but HE could lead the team into the arena inside a roaring 1980 Trans Am, waiving the St. Katherine College banner through the open T-top, with the likeness of Saint Katherine herself at the steering wheel, which would, appropriately, be covered with intimidating spikes. Picture that. Did you just get chills?
But what am I doing, giving tips to the competition? Well, consider that nugget your stipend in advance. Now you have to make the trip. Let’s talk logistics. According to the St. Katherine College website, your Encinitas campus is just minutes from downtown San Diego, and so by my calculations, El Cajon is also just minutes from Encinitas. I would love to play at your venue, but there is no way I could talk the guys into a road trip. They are dads and family men, and their wives would not approve of any of this.
I don’t know what else to say. Please? You really only need to send 4 guys. Three will do just as well, but Lunchsketball is putting four of our guys on the court at a time. You are welcome to be a player-coach too. Your call.