EL CAJON, CA — Kerry put his team on his back and very nearly led them to glory, but in the end, proving that no man is an island, his team fell ever so slightly short.
Game-play has started to pick up with the arrival of autumn. The “seasons” of San Diego, CA are a sore topic for that eccentric breed of out-of-state transplant who finds the perpetually optimal weather here something about which to complain (somehow, the lack of cold, damp, gray, generally suicide-inducing weather makes some people around here homesick and upset). Nevertheless, there is evidence of the seasons to be found if you know where to look. For instance, if you play Lunchsketball, then you can definitely tell that summer is over, because the change in temperature might be subtle, but a drop from 88 to 78 degrees sticks out quite a bit to anybody that routinely runs sprints on a plot of exposed asphalt for an hour in the middle of the day.
All of this is a roundabout way of saying that there’s been much more Lunchsketball being played of late. It was perhaps the worst summer on record for Lunchsketball, but it looks like the game is back to being a regular thing.
Friday provided a nice conclusion to the week of ball, with a super-rare 3-on-3 to 60 game. Kerry announced an expected attendance of 7 players, but that estimate included Scooter. Scooter hasn’t gotten a lot of mention on the blog, but one thing you should know about Scooter is that he bears no scruple about going back on his word to Kerry. In fact, if one were to begin to track the data on Kerry/Scooter email correspondence, it should continuously prove that Scooter is less likely to play on those days which he commits to play than on those days in which he does not. For example, in October, he has played in 1 of maybe 5 games in which he did not commit to play, and he has played in 0 of 1 games in which he said that he would play. He is thus 20% more likely to play on days when he does not promise to show up. Were it possible to expand this analysis to cover the last 4 years, one may presumably see consistent results during the vast majority of months.
Nevertheless, Kerry is always happy to announce that Scooter will be playing, as if it were a very likely thing to look forward to. Gary, for his part, then engineers teams based on the assumption that Scooter is coming. Finally, the game is delayed for a little while everyone waits for Scooter to arrive. It is a very Charlie Brown/Lucy/football variety of comedy.
All of this is an aside though from the main point of this article, which is that a game was played on Friday (Scooter or no Scooter), and Gary the Elder turned in a shamefully ugly performance. George, Gary and Son-of-Gary faced off against Kaptain Kerry Hook, Jim, and Micheal. Many an open look did Gary (aka “Big” Gary) have, and so few times did he score. The vast majority of his shots were off-target. His release looked terrible – it was clearly a miss from each moment the ball left his hand.
In a mid-game interview, Gary disclosed that he had enjoyed a heavy Chick-fil-A lunch a mere 20 minutes prior to game time. This is not something that Gary would normally do on a game day, and it seriously hampered him. Gary is a precision athlete, and he simply cannot afford the additional ballast of a fast-food combo meal, particularly Chick-fil-A’s famous signature waffle fries. He knows this better than anyone else, and his lack of confidence on the court this day was grounded in reality, and more and more evident as his shots chipped paint off of the rim.
With his team losing 58-59, saving his old man from a weekend of wretched infamy, Gary Jr. sunk a very clutch basket to seal a precarious win. Crisis averted, and a lesson learned: Eat less chikin, Gary.