Erik

ABOUT ERIK: In a way, Erik is the archetypal lunch-time basketball player. Like the game itself, there are few comparisons to be drawn between Erik and the rest of the outside basketball world. His entire game is unique. There is nothing that he does that would remind you of any player that you have ever watched on TV.

And yet, he is very effective.

His shot, for example, is baffling; a multi-stage delivery with mysterious hitches and motions, sort of like the result of an MIT student project to make a manikin swish a basketball shot while powered by only a mousetrap. You can’t question the results though. At the end of the game, the defense had better know where the E-Machine is at all times.

PLAYER STATS
NAME: E, aka e-Machine, aka Big E, aka Gus, aka Gus-buster.
FG %: You never know.
REBOUNDS: With the best of them.
UNSTOPPABLE WHEN: He puts his head down and dribbles with his back arching parallel to the ground and he just runs around sort of frantically until he gets near the goalpost.
SHOES: Got ’em for $15, have lasted 2 years!
WEAKNESS: Stopping his own forward momentum.

 

 

 

 

Fast breaks are a specialty of Erik’s. He will sprint down the court without the ball, like a receiver running a post route, and look for the long pass. These fast breaks happen more or less often depending on how many of Erik’s teammates are Phil and/or Kerry. Either of those two will air-mail the ball across the court every time, as long as Erik is down there somewhere. Erik can have 3 guys guarding him, but to Phil and Kerry, it is always 4th and 25 with 1 second left to go.

Once in a while, you will see a dog run full speed onto an unfamiliar, slick surface and it is always rollicking good fun to watch the dog realize that it can’t stop itself. This is what happens during Erik’s fast breaks after he catches the ball. He can’t always stop on time. Leaving a trail of melted Payless sneaker-sole in his wake, he will come to a screeching, sliding halt somewhere near the hoop. This maneuver is a travelling violation most of the time, but nobody ever questions it because 1 point is a small price to pay for such entertainment.

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