ABOUT GARY: G is very important to Lunchsketball. Not only is he a player, but he also organizes the game, so he is like the commissioner of Lunchsketball. G makes the teams. Very carefully. He puts a lot of thought into who can be on what team, and he has no qualms saying that a particular player isn’t as good as another. He is honest and transparent in that respect. You always know where you stand in his rankings, and he does have rankings. He probably could rank everybody in the office if you asked him, and surprisingly quickly*. This is not to say that his ranking system is accurate, only that it exists. Fair or not, he’s got you ranked.

It is very important to Gary that there be no more than 10 guys on the court at once. Lunch-sketball games can feature some unconventional combinations of players, unseen elsewhere in the basketball. 3 on 4, 6 on 6, or even 2 on 3. All have been tried. Be warned that if those numbers add up to more than 10, Gary won’t play. If there are 10 players hand-picked by Gary, and #11 saunters up unexpectedly, Big G will complain to any ear that will hear, for the following 5 hours. This may resume the next morning.

NAME: G-Money, Big G, Upper-case G, Gary the Greater, Gary the Elder, Blueberry (when wearing oversized, bright blue t-shirt), G
FG %: Phenomenal
AGE: 83
WHO LOST THE BALL OUT OF BOUNDS: Either you, or else you fouled G, and made him lose the ball out of bounds. Either way, it has to be G’s team’s ball.
GREATEST EVIL FACING SOCIETY TODAY: Too many 2-pointers. Must be patient and take high percentage, GOOD shots.

The game features 1 point shots, and longer shots worth 2 points. G passionately hates 2s. He is the best shooter in the game of Lunchsketball, but he refrains from shooting 2s, on principle. This provides him the moral high-ground he needs to chide, taunt, malign and harass anyone who does shoot 2s. He leads by example.

In his spare time, Gary likes to bring up the next generation of Lunchsketball. He has introduced many an eager young lad to their first game. He brings his employees, his sons, his nephews, his grand-kids, his grands-kids’ neighbors – anybody who can spare an hour at lunch on a weekday. Basketball runs in the family, and when Gary teams with his sons, etc., they work together as a veritably unstoppable orchestra of ball, with G as the conductor.

Everybody forgets to guard G, even though he is the best shooter in any game he plays in. It really should not be difficult to guard G. He has a litany of injuries which result in severe issues with mobility, and to some, he is the world’s best grandpa, and so one would think that is shouldn’t take Ron Artest in his prime to guard G. And yet, he is always open. This is one of the great mysteries of lunch-time basketball.




* Gary accepted this as a challenge and has now on several occasions taken the time to draw out rankings of Lunchsketball players on napkins. 

2 thoughts on “Gary

  1. Can we see Gary’s rankings of the players sometime on your blog? I have a mental ranking based on profiles and I would love to see how we compare. Thanks, and I really enjoy this blog. It’s my pick up basketball outlet when I’m off the court. Keep it up!

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