This Summer in Lunchsketball

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It has been an eventful summer in Lunchsketball, despite the uneventful blog. Here are some of the highlights:

  1. For starters, consider the introduction of a new Lunchsketballer, Diana, aka “The Urbin Legend” who made history in June as the first basketball-player-who-is-a-girl to come join the game in quite a while. Diana contributed fierce defense, while also bringing an air of class to the game. Said Gary, aka G-Money, “She wasn’t dirty, and she didn’t call anybody any names. And she smelled nice.”
  2. The duration of the games has once again been adjusted. The final score was reduced to 50 points, after basketball games began reaching 1 hour from start to finish, causing players to use vacation hours to cover extended lunch hours. Gary, who has accrued a surplus of vacation hours because he has been with his employer for 45 years, remains open to longer games.
  3. Time to say good bye to the Under Armour 295 Spongetech basketball. It was a ball ahead of its time, spurned by the world only because it was different. A common complaint was that it was too bouncy, and so to alleviate the situation, air was drained. Too much air was drained though, and the Spongetech now collects dust, flat and un-usable.

New Years Resolution Update:

Earlier in the year, a  set of challenging, yet reasonable New Year’s goals were announced for a handful of players. One of them, John, aka Vercace, was challenged to play in ten (10) games of basketball during the year 2013. Throughout the year, this blog excitedly followed John’s progress, offering encouragement all along the way. John appeared to be well along the path to achieving this goal, having already been credited with playing in one (1) game, with nearly half of the year remaining.

Now, unfortunately, there is a serious problem. A scandal. Yes, in this current news environment that is so weary with stories of affairs, mistresses and harassment, there is no choice at this point but to face yet another instance of embarrassing infidelity: John has been cheating on Lunchsketball with Ping-Pong.

Each day, on their way to play basketball, players like Jorge and Darin would pass by John’s office. He seemed so hard at work, too busy at his desk to spare the time to join the guys. Was he too busy? The truth is that John would later slink back to the warehouse, via a rarely-used back door, and meet up for a quick game of ping-pong.  Sometimes 5 days a week he would rendezvous with ping-pong in that dirty, desperate warehouse, for a cheap thrill where nobody was watching.

Now he is very brazen about it all. He’ll tell you that he is happier with ping-pong, as though what he had with Lunchsketball is something that can be shrugged off at a whim.

Will he come to his senses? Will he seek redemption? Will he see that 5 months is still plenty of time to play in 9 games? Time will tell.

Injury Report

Tim, aka Benjamin Button, suffered a really gross finger injury in June. In his own words, “The blood on my finger nail was blood from the broken bone that was just oozing up and out the finger nail.”

It has been a tough year for Tim, and yet, injury after injury, as doctors tell him that his playing career is over, he keeps coming back to the court. He is a Lunchsketball immortal: Call him “The Rylander”.

In other injury news from June and July, Gary has a sore achilles, Matt has not dislocated his shoulder, Phil left the court in an ambulance but he’s fine now, and Darin is getting a non-cosmetic nose procedure, and is currently in the market for one of those NBA face masks.

Quote of the Summer:

“Dude, look at your forehead!”

– Adam (to Erik, not particularly near any mirrors)

Week in Review: 2013 Week 20

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JorgeThis week, Lunchsketball presents a list of Lunchsketball players with the animal that best represents each of them:

George, aka Jorge: Velociraptor. Smart. Fast. Deadly. Runs around with arms in position to daintily hold two invisible purses.

Adam, aka Sid: Sloth. Adam has long born a resemblance to Sid the Sloth from Ice Age.

Gary: Snail. This was a difficult one, but there is a snail in SpongeBob Squarepants, and his name is Gary, and Gary the basketball player moves rather slowly and stays close to the ground.

Scooter: Honey Badger. You think Scooter cares? He really doesn’t give a darn. He has no regard for any other basketball player, whatsoever. Pretty much does what he wants.

Kerry: Hookworm. That’s an animal which happens to have “hook” in the name. Plus Kerry is pretty good at getting rebounds, like Dennis Rodman, aka, “The Worm”.

Jacob: Hyena. Laughing Hyena. Jacob laughs hysterically during game-play.

Phil: Giraffe. Because he is tall, and also because giraffes are excellent shooters. Ok, just because he is tall.

That last one was a reach, but there must be more. Darin, Jimbo and Erik all have yet to be compared to animals. Please make additions to this list in the comments.

Full-Court Press:

Traffic to this blog continues to come mostly from women searching for pickup lines for basketball players… Lunchsketball trails only Yahoo! Answers and in the google results for basketball pickup lines… Repeating the phrase “pickup lines for basketball players” here in this article can’t be expected to change the situation…

Player of the Week:

Congratulations Alex! Alex is a friend of Jourge’s, and he has played maybe twice. Alex wins Player of the Week for his heroics on Friday. After carrying his team to a half-time lead, Alex took an excruciatingly painful nut-shot. He never left the court, but courageously limped back and forth between the 3-point lines for the rest of the game, in too much pain to look up, much less catch a pass. His team, affected by this show of perseverance, pulled together and finished with a win. As Ray Zalinsky once said, send over a bottle of bubbly in a bucket of ice…